Wednesday, October 12, 2016
How To Be A Jerk On Twitter
How To Be A Jerk On Twitter
Few have mastered Twitter, where your 140-character update could make you a star or completely solidify you as the biggest tweetin twerp (or twit) on the Internet.
In fact, Twitter etiquette extends far beyond what you say. Its about how you say it and how you conduct yourself with other tweeters. If you have no desire to have any following other than your parents and a couple of friends who think youre funny when you drunk tweet, then be sure to follow the following advice.
Follow Everyone
Seriously, start clicking that "Follow" button on every Twitter account you encounter. Your follower count will swell because many people have a "you follow me, I follow you policy." Supposedly, when the number you follow far outstrips those following you, it brands you instantly as not worth following, and even more likely, a tweet-spammer. But what do you care? Look at those numbers!
Seriously, start clicking that "Follow" button on every Twitter account you encounter. Your follower count will swell because many people have a "you follow me, I follow you policy." Supposedly, when the number you follow far outstrips those following you, it brands you instantly as not worth following, and even more likely, a tweet-spammer. But what do you care? Look at those numbers!
Welcome Everyone
You know whats even more polite than getting a greeting when you follow someone? Getting an auto-generated welcome that tells you where to follow them elsewhere, or better yet, where to buy their stuff. You can create such an auto-direct-message (auto-DM) to your new followers using a tool a paid tool like Auto Direct Message. IFTTTs "new follower" trigger works, but you cant DM from IFTTT; youll have to settle for publicly thanking them. Twitter discourages doing this, but since when do you listen to authority?
You know whats even more polite than getting a greeting when you follow someone? Getting an auto-generated welcome that tells you where to follow them elsewhere, or better yet, where to buy their stuff. You can create such an auto-direct-message (auto-DM) to your new followers using a tool a paid tool like Auto Direct Message. IFTTTs "new follower" trigger works, but you cant DM from IFTTT; youll have to settle for publicly thanking them. Twitter discourages doing this, but since when do you listen to authority?
Never Update
Why bother even writing anything? If your numbers are way up, you can consider yourself a "success" on Twitter without posting, ever. Twitter deletes inactive accounts after six months, so occasionally toss up a "YOLO" (since typing "carpe diem" is exhausting.)
Why bother even writing anything? If your numbers are way up, you can consider yourself a "success" on Twitter without posting, ever. Twitter deletes inactive accounts after six months, so occasionally toss up a "YOLO" (since typing "carpe diem" is exhausting.)
Tweet Constantly
Youre easily as interesting as director Kevin "Clerks" Smith, right? So why not use Twitter as your soapbox for 10 or 20 posts per hour? Go ahead, your narcissism will hardly be noticed. Quantity always trumps quality.
Youre easily as interesting as director Kevin "Clerks" Smith, right? So why not use Twitter as your soapbox for 10 or 20 posts per hour? Go ahead, your narcissism will hardly be noticed. Quantity always trumps quality.
Repeat Tweet Everything
If youve got a Facebook account, give it the least amount of attention possible. Set up all your tweets to go directly to that social network, too, either using FacebooksSelective Tweet Status app (add the #fb hashtag to each tweet, and voila) or usingIFTTT to go both directions. In fact, hook everything in: make sure your Pinterest pins, Tumblr tumbles, Vine videos, and Instagram pics all show up on Twitter. Your friends on both services wont mind, because theyre either so devoted to your cleverness they want to read it twice, or theyre too stupid to figure it out.
If youve got a Facebook account, give it the least amount of attention possible. Set up all your tweets to go directly to that social network, too, either using FacebooksSelective Tweet Status app (add the #fb hashtag to each tweet, and voila) or usingIFTTT to go both directions. In fact, hook everything in: make sure your Pinterest pins, Tumblr tumbles, Vine videos, and Instagram pics all show up on Twitter. Your friends on both services wont mind, because theyre either so devoted to your cleverness they want to read it twice, or theyre too stupid to figure it out.
Hash Up Some Tags
Hashtags are tracked in real-time by Twitter, Google, and some others, so you can see whats...emerging. Make up your own, and dont worry about if theyve ever been used before by checking at Keyhole. The longer the hashtag, the better; try to use as much of the 140 characters as you can in that single hashtag—people think thats hilarious! An example: "My butt hurts #arentyougladIdidnttellyouwhymybutthurtsItsahemorrhoid"
Hashtags are tracked in real-time by Twitter, Google, and some others, so you can see whats...emerging. Make up your own, and dont worry about if theyve ever been used before by checking at Keyhole. The longer the hashtag, the better; try to use as much of the 140 characters as you can in that single hashtag—people think thats hilarious! An example: "My butt hurts #arentyougladIdidnttellyouwhymybutthurtsItsahemorrhoid"
Whats really in McRib. http://t.co/yASw9yXD #McGoodness #McPigInnards#BestSandwichEver #ImVomitingIt #fbGo to link Download
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